Saturday, 31 August 2013

[Toy] A Tale of Legends

Toy has posted a new item, 'A Tale of Legends'

On the hunt for some Masterpiece Transformers for some friends, I found myself
wandering through the wayward aisles of my local Toys R Wot?? On the way, I
spied the fact they had some Marvel legends Figures.And let the Story
begin!!Ooooh! says I, I need me a nice Wolvey. I had a look, Oh my! there were
so many Wolverines. Oh, Look! I exclaimed to myself excitedly, Its Captain
America too! I need one of them as well. Oh no, what a horrible face sculpt.
Digging through the peg display ensued and I happened upon some orange guy with
an atom symbol on his chest."I dont know who this guy is. And what the hell is a
Hit-Monkey?!?!??? I happened to look up at the ticket price.Whoa! Thirty
Dollars??? Thats a bit rich for a Wolverine. My enthusiasm waned but I continued
to window shop. I stood there perplexed briefly before a dark square hidden
behind the muscles of the unknown muscle toy caught my eye. What could this be?
I thought to myself. I proceeded to investigate and "Oh dear, that is a really
awesome Archangel figure I want one, Alas, there were none on the shelf, but
never giving up easily and being a resourceful fellow, I did spy some extra
packets on the storage shelf above the normal shelving. It was not within easy
reach.One thing I should mention is that the magical place known as Toys R Wot??
seems to exist in a staff-free dimension. Being a fellow well aware of
occupational health and safety within the workplace, my first instinct was to
find a staff member and ask them to climb a ladder that was temptingly close by.
However as one could surmise, in a staff-free dimension, the wonderful things
known as staff are not easily acquirable. Much like my Archangel it would seem,
assuming there is one up there in the first place. I made a quick lap around the
area looking for staff and apparently I wasnt the only one, as other customers
almost mistook ME for a non-existent being as well. The ladder was still near
by. Tempting me, calling my name seductively.Tets, Teeeeeetttttsssss, come climb
me. You can reach many lofty heights if only you would traverse my gilded steps.
All that you desire will be within reach [assuming its there]. It whispered this
last bit.Oddly though I had this horrible feeling that if I grabbed it and
dragged it to where I needed it, it would create a lot of noise that might draw
out a staff member. Strangely enough, the thought of this filled me with a sense
of dread, yet looking back on it, that was exactly what I wanted.Unperturbed by
this irrational fear of being inundated with non-existent beings, I formulated
another plan. One that I seem to fall back on fairly regularly.Checking that my
aisle was clear of witnesses, I assessed the shelving situation.
Tall? Check.
Sturdy? Check.
Clear bottom shelf? Check.

Things are looking good for the plan. Once again I assessed the area for
witnesses which might intrude. None.The plan is a go! Being a taller than
average chap, I used this to good advantage, with a sturdy foot I placed it on
the bottom shelf, which conveniently had a clear spot for my foot. It must have
been destiny!One hand grabbed a nearby head height shelf for balance and the
other reached over the storage shelf lip and reached for the Legends packets
stacked upon it.REEEEAAACH. First packet nabbed. Boo, More Muscle guy.
REEEEEEACHSecond packet nabbed. Eauurgh, ugly faced Capt. USAREEEEEACCCH.Third
and fourth nabbed. Another Muscle guy and , OH HELLO. She-Rulk. not what I was
after, but a nice looking figure. ifyaknowwhatImean.REEEEAACH Only two left,
come one, I thought to myself. Desperation was setting in.Fifth packet. Dammit,
another bloody Wolverine.Final REEEEAAAAAAAAAaaAACCHHHH and STREEEETCH. This was
a hard one, I was on the brink of not only my reach, but also giving up.I
touched it. Just. Knocked it over and it was easier to get a hold of. Pullll,
and OH NO, dropped it. Skilled hands made the catch, I still hadnt looked at the
pack.I look down. And Oh my, its so beautiful. It was a sexy winged Archangel
looking at me. Tears in his eyes saying Thanks for getting me out from the back
of the storage shelf there Tets. I am so beautiful, give me a good home
please.Sure thing Little blue fella, I replied, a little exhausted from my
mighty efforts to free him from his shamed space in the back corner. Slowly I
made my way to the checkoutsAt the checkouts, it would seem that I managed to
escape the staff-free dimension. Odd though as I hadnt seen a portal
anywhereVerily I ventured unto the checkouts with Archangel in hand. Knowing
full well he will cost me $29.99. I patiently wait for my chance, and
boop!Checkout says no I tell the operator its thirty dollars. This isnt good
enough, even after I offered an extra cent. She arranges for a price check. A
staff member appears and decides to go check. Naturally I worry. Can a staff
member survive in the Staff-free dimension that he must surely cross? I await,
in fear for his life. I dont want to see another person die in another lonely
dimension for a measly price check.Much to my relief, he reappears. Much to my
chagrin, it was five minutes later. To add to my chagrin, he couldnt find the
price. Seriously? I thought to myself. I dont work here, have more interest in
Transformers than this toy and I found the price straight away.Toys R Wot????
lives up to its name once again! Huzzah!As a strategic move to avoid the
dimensional crossing once again, he decides to use the computer to look up the
price thing. The very same computer he was standing next to when originally
asked about the toy. A few seconds later, info received, payment processed, my
eyes have rolled for the last time and I ventured with my new found friend into
FREEDOM and the carpark.

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